its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
