took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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