He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
