just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
