STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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