I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
