And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
