the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
