hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
