There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
