i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
