Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
