i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
