garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize