i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
