So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
