you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
