Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
