I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I enjoy the company of your penis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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