Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
