I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
