I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
