and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
