booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
