I just cut my nipple shaving
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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