Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
