Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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