i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
