addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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