i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
this hospital has no fireball
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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