accomplished twins. life is a go
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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