you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
