i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
