Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
