he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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