Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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