Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i was born a porn star she said
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
