my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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