Someone shit on the floor
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
