There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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