i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
