I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
