My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We got so high we made milksteak
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
