I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
