RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
