But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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