My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
