No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
