I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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