Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
