Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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