I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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