I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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