I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
